· is sorry ·
There has been so much debate, both among the general public and in parliament, about the apology that Parliament will make to the Stolen Generations tomorrow morning. Who would have thought that "sorry" could be such a difficult word to say?
There are many ways you can say "sorry" - it does not have to mean "yep, I'm personally to blame". It can be used to express shame or guilt, but it can also be used to express empathy or regret.
And anyway, it's not simply about how you feel when you say "sorry". How does it make the person (or people) who you are saying it to feel? Perhaps, if it's spoken with empathy, it can begin the process of healing.
So tomorrow, how can we say sorry? I found a wonderful blog post today on Anecdote that explains, in general terms, how to say sorry:
How to say sorry1
- recognise and acknowledge that a violation has occurred
- determine the nature of the violation—that is, what ‘caused’ it—and admit that one has caused the event
- admit that the act was destructive
- accept responsibility for the effect of one’s actions
- offer some form of forgiveness, atonement, or action designed to undo the violation and rebuild the trust
1 Lindskold, S. (1978). “Trust development, the GRIT proposal, and the affects of conciliatory acts on conflict and cooperation.” Psychological Bulletin 85: 772-793.
So this is the sentiment that I expect to hear in Kevin Rudd's speech tomorrow morning (which, incidentally will be shown on ABC at 9am, and public screenings will be in most capital cities). Sure, he didn't *personally* take Aboriginal children from their parents, nor did he vote for the mob who did, but as the current spokesperson for Australia the responsibility lies with him to apologise.
The blog post above also expresses where I'm coming from when I say sorry to the Stolen Generations: I regret that this happened to you, and I realise that it caused suffering and anguish for you and your family. I hope this never happens again. I've changed my Facebook status to "is sorry" ... if you feel the same way, please change yours.
An extract from Paul Keating's Redfern Speech, December 1997:
... The starting point might be to recognise that the problem starts with us non-Aboriginal Australians.
It begins, I think, with that act of recognition - recognition that it was we who did the dispossessing. We took the traditional lands and smashed the traditional way of life.
We brought the diseases. The alcohol.
We committed the murders.
We took the children from their mothers.
We practised discrimination and exclusion.
It was our ignorance and our prejudice. And our failure to imagine these things being done to us.
With some noble exceptions, we failed to make the most basic human response and enter into their hearts and minds.
We failed to ask - how would I feel if this were done to me?
As a consequence, we failed to see that what we were doing degraded all of us.
Pic: Radical Cross Stitch kindly allowed me to republish a pic of her fantastic Sorry cross stitch kit. She also has an Etsy shopfront.
Tuesday February 12, 2008
Categories: General
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